PTSD
by Memmi
Summary: A day passes by, and all I can think about are the horrors that haunt me at night. If only I could get a good night's rest. Ever since we finished the war, I can't stop thinking about the evils Annabeth and I saw down there: about the darkness that surrounded me. Someday, it'll go away. Someday. One Shot. Disclaimer: I, sadly, do not own Percy Jackson.


I remember holding onto Annabeth as we fell into Tartarus. Even a month after the Giant War, I still can feel the desperation to survive and keep Annabeth at my side. Optimistically, Annabeth and I are closer after that experience. Pessimistically, I didn't have time to completely recover from my experience down there. No, I had to go straight into a war. The excitement of our victory and the fact that Annabeth is finishing high school with me in New York allowed my mind to forget, temporarily, what happened down there. It wasn't until that night that I had a terrible nightmare. I twisted and turned in my bed as I remembered the fighting, the pain, and the hopelessness I felt. Not only did those unpleasant feelings come back; rage, from my battle with Akhlys, joined in on the fun. Each night is a repeat of the next, and each morning I put a smile on my face. With everything that went on, I don't want to put the burden of my problems on others. They have problems too, and everyone got a piece of the war. The Romans and the Greeks, both came back with scars. Even though everyone has nightmares, I bet mine are the worse… or at least near the top. I want them to stop; however, that's not happening if I don't tell someone. Deep down I know that, but I don't want to tell anyone. Hell, I haven't even told Annabeth although I have a sneaking suspension she knows. I wonder if Annabeth is having the same problem. Hopefully, she'd tell me.

I wake up this morning in Cabin Three. Rubbing the sleep from my eyes, I slowly sit up. It's almost the end of summer, and the beginning of my senior year of high school. I yawn as I look outside the cabin window. The sun is barely rising. Last night was one of the better nights. It still wasn't pretty, but at least it didn't contain the worst ones. I throw on a t-shirt and get ready for the day which isn't much. Standing in front of the door to my cabin, I hold the doorknob. I put the smile of my face and bring out my laid-back self. Being a leader of the camp means I have to stay strong for the rest of the campers. Hungry, I walk to the mess hall. I sit down at the Poseidon table and eat a nice breakfast. As I enjoy my food, I mentally go through the day. Training here, hanging out there, chilling out with Annabeth, and helping teach sword classes, it's a normal day. I smile as I see Annabeth over at the Athena table. After I finish my breakfast, I head over to say good morning to Annabeth. Ever since Tartarus, we've become ten times closer. We've barely been apart from each other. Of course, it's not that we can't spend time alone. It's more about wanting to spend time with each other. We prefer to hang out with each other, but sometimes we do take breaks. You can only stand someone for so long, even the person closest to you.

Speaking of people close to you, I have to go and see my mother. She must be worried sick. I wonder how Paul is doing. Still deep in thought, I barely catch a 'Good morning' from Annabeth. "Morning," I respond back with a smile. It was an actual smile. She smiles back. I hope she isn't having trouble sleeping too. "I'll meet you in the arena," I say as I start to walk out of the mess hall. This morning I'm going to do a small workout. Then I'll help Annabeth out with the Athena kids and their sword lesson. Truthfully, I'm only doing it for Annabeth. She is the only one keeping me stable. I look at her, and I thank the Gods we made it out alive. We made it out alive from that place. That place… Stop it Percy. Stop thinking about it. It only makes it worse. Focus on what you are doing right now.

I shake my head to clear my thoughts. I continue to walk to the training arena. A small workout will help hid the thoughts, hopefully. I've tried this many times before. Sometimes it works while others I work myself to exhaustion. Then I go back to my cabin and sleep with flashbacks. It's a terrible cycle, but I don't want to burden other people with my problems. They all have their own things to worry about; why add another problem onto their plate. I reach the training arena, uncap my sword, and start training. Slowly, I start to lose myself. Each slash and draw back, I go deeper and deeper into my mind. My movements become instinct, and I'm surrounded by monsters down in Tartarus. Slash, parry, run, sleep, run, parry, slash. I continue till I hear Annabeth call my name. 'It's that time already,' I think. I put on a smile and walk over. "Alright guys, we are going to start practicing. First some…" Annabeth lists out directions while I zone her out. I've heard these directions several times. There's no need to hear them again. As Annabeth draws on, I start to fidget and play with my sword. "…and Percy has agreed to help. Percy. Percy. PERCY!" Annabeth shouts at me.

This startles me and causes me to drop my sword. Whoops. I rub the back of my neck. I put a smile on and say, "Sorry, I zoned out a little." She sighs. This is a normal day after all. I've been through that speech several times. Adding to that, I don't have the longest of attention spans, especially if I've heard it before. We start the lesson. Her doing most of the teaching and me doing most of the demonstrating. After each instruction she gives her siblings, I start to drift more and more away. My mind starts to wander and pays less attention every second. My body starts to go through the motions. Finally at the end of practice, I'm staring at them only watching. I look and see the smile on everyone's faces. Some like Annabeth are completely straight faced and serious. While others are having a fun time making the best of things. I look over at the other side of the arena and see the more experienced campers in the Athena cabin. All of them I had fought with in the Battle of Manhattan and the battle against Gaea. They have serious faces on as they continue to improve their skills. Newer campers, who haven't been in one of the wars, are less serious and happier. While the campers, who have been in the wars, tend to stick to the more serious side.

Most of us are struggling to continue on because of all the comrades we have lost. The one that hurt the most for me was losing Leo. I didn't know him to well, but he was on the Argo with us. He built the Argo. I wish I could have saved him. I sigh as I think about the war. Two wars in a row really took a toll on me. I half expect to hear of another war about to begin. As unlikely as it is, I still am preparing.

Of all the years I've known about being a half blood, I haven't had a single calm year. When I was twelve, it was the whole stolen lightning bolt thing. The next year, I went to the Sea of Monsters to rescue Grover. Next year, I had a calm summer as calm as a demigod summer could get. However, that winter I traveled the country with Zoë looking for Annabeth. The next year was that whole labyrinth fiasco. Then came the war and then another war, and now I'm here looking back on my teenage years. I feel older than I am. I'm sixteen almost seventeen, and I've had problems most adults don't have. Hopefully, life can only get better from here on out. Finished with my thoughts, I walk over to Annabeth to see if she's done teaching. I arrive as she is finishing her instructions to her younger siblings. "Hey, Annabeth." She looks over and silently tells me to wait a moment. She finishes talking and dismisses her siblings giving them free time. With Annabeth now alone, I walk over and start to talk to her. "What do you want to do today?" I ask. Although I want to spend my time hanging out with my friends, I feel… I feel tired. I want to relax in the ocean or my cabin, but I don't want anyone to know about my condition. All they would do is worry about me, and I don't want them to. She frowns at me. "Is something wrong Percy?" she asks giving me a skeptic look. I must have given away some clue. Maybe it was how I was practicing this morning? Or maybe I showed it on my face? I tried to keep it hidden. I guess I'm not as… "Percy."

"Yeah," I respond.

"You spaced out again. Did you get enough sleep last night?" No. "Yes. I had a great night's sleep Annabeth. I'm just a little slow today." Hopefully, she buys it, but knowing Annabeth it's hard to trick her. She gives me one last skeptic look then sighs. "I don't know what I'm going to do with you." I smile. "You know you love me anyways." That was a close call. Together, we walked out of the arena. I joke around a little bit while she just laughs and shakes her head. I love these moments. The day slowly passes by. I hang out with Annabeth. I train. I eat. I mess around. I eat again. I train. I hang out around the camp fire. Then the day is over, and it's time to go to bed. It's a continuous cycle. I lay down on my bed. Looking up at the ceiling of the cabin, I start to think. Every night, I have nightmares. Every day, I try and forget. Sometimes the dreams slip into the day as I find a trigger every once and awhile. 'Sigh.' Nothing has really changed. I try my hardest to wipe away the memories, but I can't. They keep coming back. As I stare at the ceiling, my eyes start to close, and I drift off into sleep…

… _The world around me changes. I can feel the fire in my throat. The desperateness comes back. I look over, and I can see a look of fear on Annabeth's face. That's not normal. I slowly swallow as the harsh fire goes down my throat. I feel sore all over my body. I take a step, and I feel the world on my shoulders again. Looking over, I see Bob's sacrifice. However, I don't go up. I fall deeper and deeper. I hear Gaea's voice again…_

My eyes snap open. I can feel the sweat on my shirt. Breathing heavily, I try to calm down. I get up and go over to the salt water fountain in my cabin. There I splash some water onto my face. The cool water calms me down, and I feel refreshed. Looking at the clock, I see it's around the middle of the night. I lay back in bed hoping I could get some sleep. Finally, after staring at the top bunk, I start to close my eyes. Tiredness finally consumes me, and I, luckily, fall into a dreamless sleep.

The next day started out like any other day. The process repeated, and I continued on my day as I did yesterday. I sigh. What am I doing with myself? Doing the same thing every day is starting to drag on. The routine is getting tiring, and sometimes I just want to close my eyes and rest forever. Don't get the wrong idea. I'm not suicidal. I'm just extremely tired. Because of all the missed sleep because of the nightmares, my body is starting to wear down. I can only function like this for so long. It doesn't help that I have to put on a show for the campers. Being a leader, the constant nightmares, and everything else is taking its toll.

I know Annabeth has suspected something wrong is going on, but I don't want to worry her. She's probably going through the same thing. There is no need for me to add even more onto her plate, the less worry the better. However, I don't know how much longer I can keep this from her… and my mom… MY MOM! I thought about her and Paul yesterday, and I still haven't talked to her since I disappeared. I can't believe I haven't talked to her. She must be so worried. That's another thing I need to add to the list. I need to lead the camp. I need to talk to my mom. Gods, I feel too busy. Adding in the nightmares, it makes me want to explode. Maybe it'll go away by its… Never mind that's wishful thinking. I have to tell someone before I'm overwhelmed, but who? My mom? No, I don't want to worry her more after what I put her through. Annabeth? No, as I stated before, I don't want to add more onto her plate. I don't know what to do! This is frustrating.

I walk to the beach and sit down. The beach always calms me down. The feel of sand shifting beneath me, the sound of waves crashing onto the shore, and the smell of salty sea air come together to make a beach. A place where I am safe. A place where I belong. I slowly breathe in and out. After a couple of minutes, I slowly get up and submerge under the blue waves. I continue to walk deeper into the dark waters. My navigation kicks in, and I know the exact coordinates. My eyes adjust, and I see my surroundings. There is marine life swimming around and of course this being New York, small bits of trash here and there. The world was calm again. Knowing I might make some people nervous, *cough* Annabeth *cough*, I walk back onto the beach perfectly dry. Now, Annabeth is not a clingy person. No, she's almost the exact opposite. It just wasn't too long ago that Hera took me away from my friends and family and erased my memory, and she told NO ONE. So of course Annabeth might get a little worried, but that's only because of what happened last time. In a few months, I bet she's going to stop worrying if I'm gone for a long period of time. I feel like no one understands what I am going through. However, I know for sure Nico knows what I'm going through. Maybe even to a higher scale considering he went through it alone. He has Will Solace to help him through. I'm glad he found someone to talk to. We both have someone to talk to, but I don't want to trouble Annabeth. I don't know what to do anymore. I go through the motions every day. My life feels so useless now. "Annabeth." I wave to her. She turns around from her conversation and gives me this look. Whoops, I probably shouldn't have interrupted her conversation. I give a sheepish smile back and back away. As I stated before, she is not clingy to me. Once Annabeth is done talking, she walks over. "Hey Percy." I smile, and we walk to the dinning pavilion together. We walk in silence. Each not wanting to tell the other what has been happening at night. I could tell by the bags under her eyes that she hasn't been getting a lot of sleep. This makes me even more confident in my decision to not tell her. "So Percy, how are you sleeping at night?" Surprised, I stop for a second. I knew it! She did know. "You know you can talk to me about it, right?"

"I...uh...I...uh," I stumbled over what to say. First of all, I didn't want to tell her the reason why I didn't want to tell her. That would not end well for me. Second, she caught me off guard. Well, this is going to be interesting. She gave this look that told me to not try and worm out of this. I sigh, this was going to happen eventually. "I've been having nightmares about our time down there. It could be about anything related, and I just can't get it out of my head. What about Bob and Damasen? They're stuck down there. We promised to get them out and… and…" The tears started to drop. I tried so hard to stop them, but it was futile. Suddenly, I feel a warm body up against mine. Annabeth is hugging me and whispers, "Me too." We hold each other like that for a while. Neither of us wanting to let go. I, slowly, calm down. The worry and fear that has clouded my mind cleared. I'm going to get through this. I'm not alone. I smile. Together, Annabeth and I, will get through this. Finally, we let go and walk hand and hand to the dinning pavilion. I kiss her forehead as we separate. Grabbing and sacrificing some food, I walk back to the Poseidon table. I look over at Annabeth and see her eating with her siblings. Everything is calm. I'm here not there. I'm surrounded by friends and not monsters. I don't have to worry about dying in hell. All I have to worry about are normal demigod problems, but I'm not going to think about those right now. I need some peace and quiet. Closing my eyes for a second, I take a deep breath in. The world seems a little bit brighter. A smile forms on my face. I'm happy. I'll probably still have those dreams, but I have a feeling they won't be as strong. I'm not afraid anymore. Look out world, Percy Jackson is ready to take you on.


End file.
